Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Wicked Awesome Senate Appointments

Appointing defeated candidates to senate is the kind of thing you celebrate with a double Jamieson and beer chaser. It is a bottomless belly full of laughter.

The media and opposition are howling in volcanic indignation. If the howling is genuine and thought-through, they will engage the PM in a serious and consequential conversation on democratic reform.

In fact, given opposition howling, this should be an agenda they start pushing like crack in the projects. Otherwise, they'll have no comparative advantage on this subject. Yet another agenda item that came from scary Stephen Harper five years ago and is now nearly universal across the Canadian political spectrum.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Just Visiting

Michael Ignatieff is a sour priss; pity the poor students who will spend hours at a time listening to his collosal self-pity masquerade as education. Pity our country: we know what crappy education collosal self-pity is but on balance its about as good an arts education out there.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Simmer down, Dippers. And Get to Work

This is one narrative that Liberals are drooling to exploit. In practical terms, the Dipper caucus would not be ready to take on its duties by mid-May (imagine if they had won government!). Probably they won't really be ready until September. But they themselves should shut up about that and take whatever short term drubbing the wounded lion Liberals will inflict.

The Tories went through it in 2006 - people had a field day (Andrew Coyne voted Liberal because of the Emerson affair!). And, it turned out pretty good for us. Like, as good as it could ever have been if you aim to build something that lasts past you.

Canadians expect a few giggles at your expense with this young caucus. But they are not bad-natured giggles. Take the lumps with a smile and get to work immediately. By the time it matters, these stories will become marks of fondness for Canadians. Take Maxime Bernier for example: the nation pines for him in cabinet and the only knock on him is he got dumped so the gorgeous girlfriend won't be v-necking her way through photo ops.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Conservative Majority - the Alien Invasion Begins

Foolish humans! We have succeeded with "Operation Landing Bridge" and your conquest is now all but assured.

The two final pieces fall into place:

1. We needed to eliminate our erstwhile ally, Osama Bin Laden. He knew too much and we needed him too little.

2. Then, we needed to secure absolute control of a sizeable swath of land to secretely land the invasion fleet that will conquer Kloopdu 3, or, as you call it, Earth.

With our puppet, Stephen Harper, now fully in charge of Canada, we can prepare the ground for our secret landing.

And you Canadians shall be the first humans to learn of the horrible torture that is life as our slaves. But before that, we'll warm you up with a few years of horrid Conservative government.

Harper will build mega-prisons and you, innocent, foolish Canadians will live in there. We will take away all your rights and freedoms. You will be made to wear uniforms that will seem too thick in summer and too thin in winter. You will eat only potatoes. And in work, you will be highly efficient!

Take heart, Canada, it may hurt that you voted for your own destruction and misery; but trust us, there are worse alien overlords out there than us.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Osama Bin Laden. Dead.

Lunatic slaughterer of innocence, Bin Laden will be best remembered for his unabashed use of beard dye and preference for living in caves with smelly men perenially shouting.

For the death of death salesmen, attention will be paid - lots of celebration but renewed vigilance as well. More lunatics are out there, they meet each in secret places to compare beards and plot world conquest. They don't think much of their life which is why they think none of yours and mine. We remain at risk and on guard.

We also must acknowledge the excellent job in terms of fighting terrorism that President Obama has done. It cements, I think, his re-election in 2012. And it presents, shortly and in his second term, his opportunity to be a transformational president. Needless to say, both in Obama's performance and Osama bin Laden's death, GWB is smiling.